wait for me, you've gone much farther ( too far )
by Elysianne
Summary: After of Meicoomon's death, Hikari struggles to come to terms with having created a dark digimon and nearly getting her own partner killed. She finds solace in someone who can understand exactly what she's going through - Ken. But in the wake of Ordinemon's creation, Homeostasis begins to perceive Hikari as a threat and her newly found bond with Ken is put to the test. Ken/Hikari
1. aftermath

Trying my hand at my first Digimon fic, for the otp I've adored since 02 aired. Kenkari means so much to me, it was one of the things that brought me happiness at one of the worst times in my life. Sadly, because this is a rarepair, there's not very much content for it, so I've decided to create some myself. This story has been building up in my head for forever and Tri gave me the final boost I needed to write it. I only hope I can do it justice.

Thank you so much to everyone reading! 3

* * *

The light glimmers against the water, the bright silver light giving way to gold as the sun rises over Odaiba. The chosen children's gaze is still collectively fixed on the place where Ordinemon - _no, Meicoomon_ \- fell in pieces and black feathers, never to resurface.

Hikari is fairly certain it's Takeru's hand she can feel on her back, but she refuses to acknowledge him. She can't, not with the image of Devimon trying to kill HolyAngemon only moments earlier still seared into her mind. The thought that her weakness which led to all this nearly added to his trauma was unbearable.

 _ **You're**_ _the one who gave us the chance to destroy this world!_

She hears Meiko weeping softly at the loss of her best friend and hugs Nyaromon a little tighter, who returns the gesture with an affectionate purr. The guilt twists sharply in her stomach at the reality that Tailmon was freed from Ordinemon and Meicoomon wasn't. While she won't be sorry for the relief that flooded over her when she'd finally been able to retrieve Tailmon from the water, Hikari can't help but to despair at the injustice of it all.

The lump in her throat grows when she sees Taichi go to Meiko's side instead of hers. She knows rationally that it isn't fair to be upset at this; after all, it was Meiko who was suffering the most right now and needs comforting. But she can't help but feel like Taichi is still dead; the brother she knew really has died, and their inseparable bond with him. This boy before her is a stranger she barely knows.

Takeru moves to face her, but Hikari only looks down at the sand. The tears she hadn't had the luxury of shedding during all the fighting began to form in her eyes. She knows what he's going to say; that it isn't her fault this happened, that she's been used, that everything is okay now. But it isn't, and she can feel her hard-won light once again slipping away. The lapping water against the sand is becoming unnerving, and she swears she can hear it growing louder. After all of this, maybe it was better for everyone if she really did just disappear. "Hikari-chan -"

 _ **You're the one!**_

"Don't," she whimpers, tears threatening to fall, her throat squeezing in pain from holding it all in. "Please."

Takeru goes quiet, dropping his hand, clenching it powerlessly at his side and gritting his teeth. He has always known how to reach her, has always been able to reach her, but ever since that moment in the digital world... her eyes, usually so full of light and mirth, were now darkened in a way he'd never seen before, not even when they were in the dark ocean. He looks over at Taichi, who shakes his head as if to say "let her be."

Picking herself up off the ground, Hikari doesn't even bother to wipe away the sand clinging to her knees and skirt from where she'd been kneeling, instead turning on her heel and taking off at a run.

Takeru once again reaches out for her, but this time Taichi grabs his arm, stopping him. "Taichi-san? Are you just going to let her go?!"

 _Get better soon._

Taichi stares in the direction of where his sister ran off until she's out of sight. He remembers the day he came home by himself from the digital world with Koromon, only to leave Hikari alone, her hand desperately clutching at his as he rose into the air. There's a dull, painful ache in his chest as he finally wrenches his gaze away. "She doesn't want to talk to me right now, or any of us. We have to let her heal from all of this. We'll just make it worse if we interfere."

 _We have to let her heal, or her cold will only get worse._

"But -"

This time it's Yamato who stops him, who looks pointedly over at Taichi while putting his hand on his little brother's shoulder. "Sometimes the only way you can understand each other is through conflict. It's something she has to figure out for herself. She'll be all right. Tailmon is with her."

Takeru still isn't convinced but doesn't argue further. All that's left to him is hope, and he prays that his best friend will make it out of this, and that he doesn't lose her to the waves for good.

…

After wandering for what feels like hours, Hikari collapses on a bench, her legs giving out, lungs burning after giving into the hard cough that bubbles up. Her skin is still cold from being wet, and she shivers, hugging a worried Nyaromon to her chest. The building behind her is visibly cracked and destroyed from Ordinemon's rampage, and Hikari has to fight the urge to break down.

"Hikari, please don't push yourself so hard. You'll get sick again!"

 _Onii-chan, I'm sorry I didn't kick the ball very well._

Struggling to catch her breath, Hikari gives her partner a small smile, her face flushing with a low-grade fever. She pets her green fur reassuringly, despite the blush on her cheeks that betrays her physical state. Hikari couldn't let her worry in pain, not after everything she'd been put through. "It's fine. I'm just a little tired. We haven't had very much rest the past few days."

Despite her best efforts to appear unshaken, Hikari continues to cough, and Nyaromon begins to headbutt her forcefully, not having it. "Hikari, you're not okay! I know something's wrong! Please just go to the hospital! You're scaring me! I don't want to lose you again!"

This sobers Hikari immediately, her frail smile faltering. With one hand she continues to cradle Nyaromon, and the other clutches at her skirt, her fingers straining at the fabric. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

"Hikari..." Nyaromon whispers. She knows better than to tell Hikari what happened wasn't her doing; not only would it not make her partner feel better, it was liable to make her blame herself more. So instead she settles for making sure Hikari takes care of herself physically. "Please at least get yourself checked out. There's a hospital right over there," she mumbles, trying not to fall asleep and failing, energy wearing thin, the stress of the Ordinemon incident having sapped all of her strength.

Hikari turns to look across the street at where Nyaromon is referring to. It's the same place she'd woken up in after Homeostasis took control of her and had found Himekawa waiting for her. She didn't particularly feel like dealing with anyone right now, especially not wanting to bother the doctors during an emergency, but she also doesn't want to cause Nyaromon any further pain or worry. She's about to go in when she feels a buzzing in her skirt pocket; it's a text from her brother. An uncontrollable part of her is hopeful that maybe he'll say something and everything will go back to the way it was and they'll be happy and get through it as usual. But her heart falls when it only says, "Miyako and the others are in the hospital if you want to see them."

Of course, she wants to see them, but it still hurts that's all he has to say to her. Flipping her phone shut more roughly than she means to, she walks through the automatic glass doors and over to the information desk, where nurses and doctors are rushing past. "Can I help you?" the woman asks, and Hikari is flustered and taken aback at her harsh, rushed tone.

"Yes... I'm looking for some friends of mine who were hurt in the attack... I was wondering if you could tell me where they are?"

The nurse asks her for a name, but Hikari hesitates. Throughout everything that's happened, they had only given their friends a passing thought and had too easily accepted Himekawa's insistence they were fine. She badly wants to know they're okay, but at the same time, she isn't sure she's ready to face them.

She could go see Daisuke, who would likely be the same as Takeru, trying to cheer her up and not allowing her to blame herself, when he was the one sitting in a hospital bed, hurt. She could see Miyako, who'd once rescued her from the darkness and had become like a sister to her, only to stumble on her words because she'd let the other girl down by giving into the darkness again. How could she possibly look them in the eyes?

"Uhm, actually, I think I'll come back later. I think they might still be in surgery, I - I'm early," she lies, hastily backing away from the desk before the nurse can respond. "Thank you for your help!" Hikari shouts before rushing back down the hallway.

But before she can make it to the elevator, Hikari finds herself tripping and falling on the crutch of a boy in front of her. Their foreheads smack into each other, and Hikari yelps, nearly colliding with the ground and almost dropping Nyaromon who is miraculously still in a deep sleep. But before she can fall completely, the boy's hand shoots out and grabs her wrist, keeping her clumsily upright, while the crutch crashes to the ground with a loud, metallic clatter. She blushes and squeezes her eyes shut, embarrassed.

"Please excuse me! I'm so sorry -" she begins, panicking, but stares in shock when she finally opens her eyes to see her unwitting victim.

 _It's an honor to meet you. The one who refused Homeostasis' prophecy and cornered their own brother!_

"I – Ichijouji-kun," she says breathlessly, her face turning pale. Last time she'd seen his face, it had been the darkened Gennai using his form. She swallows hard, nausea creeping up her throat in acidic ripples, her breath coming out in shallow, trembling gasps.

 _The ill-omened goddess, summoner of destruction!_

Hikari tries to shake it off; it isn't the real Ken at that moment, she has to remind herself. He'd just startled her, that's all. She hadn't expected any of them to be awake yet, much less out of bed, but she supposed Ken would come to faster than the others because of the abilities of his dark spore.

"Hikari-san," he asks, concerned at her wide, terrified eyes, pale face and soaked clothes, her body trembling uncontrollably. "Are you all right?"

She stands there, frozen, feeling foolish that he's worried about her when he looks like he does. His forehead is wrapped in bandages, his skin is covered in scrapes and bruises, his usually vibrant blue eyes dull and lined with dark circles. His long, black hair is matted with blood and dirt, and he's favoring his right leg, blanket wrapped around his shoulders. Guilt twists in her stomach.

"I..." she begins, but swallows the words instead. Anything she said right now would be meaningless platitudes. She's never talked to Ken alone before, the most they'd ever spoken was in the dark ocean under the least pleasant of circumstances, and even then, Miyako was there. What can she say?

That she almost got her partner permanently killed and inflicted unimaginable suffering on her? That she'd become so weak that she'd dark evolved her? That she had to watch her brother die in front of her and almost destroyed not one, but two worlds because of it?

Collapsing under the weight of her despair, Hikari can no longer hold her grief at bay and lets out a strangled sob, tears running down her cheeks, and wetting Nyaromon's bright green fur. She buries her face in her free arm, her sobs growing louder, fully expecting the ocean to sweep her away at any moment, the whispers of darkness getting louder, seeming to come from everywhere and nowhere. She can't muster up care at how she must look; she only wishes still to disappear. Maybe then, none of this would've happened. She's about to leave when she feels an arm come around her, pulling her close. Her eyes widen and her head snaps up when Ken wraps the blanket around her and pulls her into an embrace.

Ken sets his other crutch carefully on the chair, wrapping both arms around her, softening. Whatever happened that caused her this much pain was really bad, but he doesn't pry. Her tears are disconcerting to him; he doesn't know her well, but he's always admired her from afar, ever since that day they'd been lost in the forest and she'd come for him, stood with him and supported him. He'd never been able to tell her so, but he'd come to see her as a kindred spirit of sorts. He doesn't know how or why, but he knows she suffers from the same darkness he does; but she never gives in, even when she wants to. She's so strong, and she has no idea. He'd give anything to be that strong.

 _As long as we want to go back, and someone wants us back, we'll be able to get out of this world._

"It's okay, you can cry. It can't reach you here. You're safe."

Stunned, Hikari stands motionless, eyes still wide as she carefully absorbs Ken's words. His voice was soft and kind and calming, one hand laid gently on her back, the other on her hair. The tension drains out of her, her eyes fluttering shut in gratitude. Tears begin falling even harder, while her free hand clutches desperately at Ken's pajama shirt. He simply holds her, and she's silently grateful that he doesn't push her into saying anything.

They stand like this for several minutes, Hikari spilling her sorrow onto Ken's shoulder. The bright light from the morning sun bathes them in gold, the tall windows in the hallway allowing for their illumination. His warmth, Nyaromon's warmth, and the sun's warmth have a calming effect and her cries fade into quiet. "Thank you," she murmurs into his shirt. "I really needed that..."

Eventually, she pulls away, rubbing at her face with the back of her hand. Her face dawns a small, sheepish smile when she sees how much she'd wet his clothes with her tears and soaked uniform. "I'm so sorry, I can get you new clothes -"

Ken shakes his head, smiling back in kind to reassure her. "It's fine, it'll dry. Mama is here too, she brought stuff from home I can wear."

Bending down to pick up his dropped crutch, Hikari hands it to him before tucking a stray tuft of hair behind her ear. "Uhm... did you want some company? I don't really feel like going home... I can't be around him right now," she trailed off, shifting on her feet uncomfortably, fighting to keep her positive feelings.

Ken tilts his head, blinking at her in surprise. "Taichi-san?"

Hikari looks out the window absently. "Yeah... things aren't really great with us right now. I feel like I don't even know him anymore."

 _My brother hates me because I'm not a good boy. Because I'm the worst kind of person._

Ken goes silent, humming in understanding. He remembers translucent colorful bubbles dancing on the breeze, his big brother beaming proudly next to him. It's something only he can do, Osamu can't, his bubbles burst because he's unkind to them. The glass full of soapy water becomes a digivice in his hand, and in the next moment it's on the floor, his hand stinging in pain, soapy bubble water spilled all over the ground, his heart struggling to reconcile his seemingly two different brothers in his mind. "I know the feeling."

Hikari turns back in surprise, remembering the image of Ken's brother in the picture frame on his desk. With the quiet way Ken had regarded him, she wouldn't have guessed. "You and your brother also?"

Ken nods, picking up his other crutch from the chair, wincing from the effort. Hikari is startled, jumping forward to lend him support before he falls. He grips her arm gratefully. "Maybe you should rest, you don't seem well enough yet," she says, voice tinged with worry.

"No, it's all right. I promised Leafmon and Chibimon a crepe. They're pretty restless, and if I don't feed them, Chibimon might turn into a zombie eat us instead," he jokes, but winces when Hikari looks at the ground miserably; the scar of Ordinemon still too new. Ken clears his throat, trying to change the subject, though he doesn't know what he said wrong. "Sorry. I've been around Daisuke too long."

This elicits a giggle from Hikari, and Ken is relieved to see her happier, even if only briefly. Wiping at her eyes again, Hikari looked past him down the hall, worry crept into her eyes. "Daisuke-kun... Miyako-chan...Iori-kun...are they all right? What happened?"

Ken nodded, face turning serious. "We should talk somewhere private."

Uneasy, Hikari follows Ken to a large waiting area, procuring several strawberry crepes from the vending machine there. He went to pick them up, but before he could, Hikari reached for them, saving him the effort. "You don't have to do everything yourself you know, I can help you," she says, half teasing, half serious while she holds the pastries up. When he doesn't respond at all, dread settles into a knot in her stomach.

He leads her outside into the garden, a peaceful quiet spot, a bench overlooking a lily pond. The silence between them is palpable, the lapping of the pond fountain making them subconsciously huddle together. Whatever he has to say is clearly painful, and Hikari returns his kindness in not pushing him to talk about it. There's only one thing she's ever seen him this disturbed by, and she can't imagine the amount of pain he's in. She feels him begin to tremble against her, so she takes his hand in her own. "Whatever happened, you're not alone anymore. We're not going to leave you."

Ken looks over at her in shock, blinking wide-eyed. He doesn't move away, instead holding her in return, grateful for the warmth of her touch. Her gesture of support finally gives him the courage to relive the hell of the past few days. "We were contacted by Gennai-san a few days ago, and he informed us that we needed to come to the digital world immediately, that it was an emergency. There were distortions appearing in the digital world and we needed to prevent it before they swallowed the real world."

Looking up at the sky, Ken swallows hard, the breeze gently tousling his black hair, his grip on her hand tightening with the flood of memories. "But it was a trap. When we got there, we were confronted by a man that looked like Gennai, but he was dressed in all black and had clearly gone rogue. That's when he offered me the choice."

At this, Hikari set Nyaromon gently in her lap, wrapping her other arm around his chest and shoulders, feeling him take a sharp, jagged breath. "He told me... I could offer myself, and return to being the Kaiser, and I would rule over Ygdrasil's new world and have control of Libra, because I have the spore inside me, and because deep down I was still one of them. Why would I go on protecting the world, when it had never offered me anything but pain and loss, and would again? He told me the others would be spared. He told me it didn't matter if I refused. Whether I wanted it or not, I would be helping to bring the world back to darkness, so I might as well give in. When I refused again..."

Horrified, Hikari wanted to cry for her friend. Not only had the enemy dug up the trauma Ken had worked so hard to recover and redeem himself from, but he'd done it just for the sake of being cruel – there was no way any of them would have been spared. And to top it off, he'd tried to force Ken into a situation of hurting everyone again, just like he'd done to Meicoomon.

"Daisuke and Miyako were angry and told him off. We jogressed, but that was exactly what he wanted. The infection spread, and he gained control of Imperialdramon. He got Aquilamon and Ankylomon too. Without you and Takeru-san, we were helpless, and it wouldn't have mattered anyway, the infection spread too fast."

Burying her face in his shoulder, Hikari is lost for words. She feels awful and runs a what if list in her head about all the things they should have done instead of leaving their friends to suffer. Of course, they hadn't meant to but... it was hard not to think of all the things they could have and should have done differently. Would Meicoomon still be alive? Would her relationship with her brother not have been destroyed? Would their friends have not ended up in the hospital on the verge of death? He doesn't mean to hurt her, but hearing it out loud is like a knife to the heart.

"He stole our partners and then... the last thing I remember is Alphamon's attack and Gennai's laugh before waking up here."

Hikari drops her arm, though she still grips his hand with a protective solidarity. She has no idea what to say, but she won't let him hurt alone. So she says the only thing she can think to at a time like this.

 _We can't erase our past, but we can get over it._

"I'm really proud of you, for not letting him win. You've come so far, and you deserve to be happy."

A blush lights up his face, and he manages a smile to himself. Somehow, no matter what precarious situation they're in, she always makes him feel better.

"I wish I were as strong as you."

Ken's head snaps up at her admission, her echo of his earlier thoughts paralyzing him. "What are you talking about? You're the strongest person I know!"

Hikari's hair falls in her face, casting it in shadow, her eyes squeezing shut to fight back another wave of tears. She pulls the blanket tightly around her, as if trying to shield herself from an enemy she can't see.

"Ichijouji-kun... when you were..." she trailed off, swallowing the words mid-sentence.

She so badly needs to ask him, but can't quite bring herself to do it. What she needs to ask would only open his wounds further, and it was wildly inappropriate given that this was the most intimate they'd ever been. She doesn't feel she has the right.

"I... I dark evolved Tailmon," she whimpers, burying her face in her hands.


	2. solace

**Note:** I'm really sorry that this next part is out way later than I intended. I tried to make it longer to hopefully make up for that a little. The summer is always crazy busy at my job, so I've been needed more and have had less time to write. Here's hoping it calms down again!

 **To honter11:** Unfortunately, this is primarily a Ken/Hikari story, with background Meiko/Taichi, because I feel that's what will work best for the story I have planned. And honestly, even if I did write Mimi/Taichi into this story, it would be so short you probably wouldn't be very happy with it since the focus will be mostly on Ken/Hikari, as well as Hikari's relationships with Tailmon and Taichi. That said, I am very much willing to attempt a Michi fic in the future, I love a lot of Digimon pairings! And though I've never really thought about Mimi/Taichi as a pairing (I've always been a Taichi/Yamato girl myself), I admit Michi could be very interesting! :)

 **To everyone:** Thanks for reading and reviewing my first chapter! I really appreciate your kind words, and I'm so glad it was well received! Thanks for the support :)

* * *

 _I dark evolved Tailmon._

Ken lets her words wash over him, trying not to let them overwhelm him. It isn't that it's surprising. It's what her words don't say: that she's given into the darkness, and the fear in her voice sounds like she's afraid it'll happen anew. He knows from experience the darkness is like water. Often it doesn't come all at once, but in tiny drops that slowly erode you until there's nothing left, leaving even the strongest stone to eventually shatter. A hard knot begins to ache in his chest, and he can't place why, but her misery breaks his heart. He brushes it off as wanting his friend to be okay and being unnerved that someone he looks to for strength is stumbling. But even those reasons don't feel entirely accurate. He only knows that she doesn't deserve this, and feels a deep-seated need to protect her from going through what he did.

He knows what she wants to ask him, can see it in the way she is no longer able to look him in the eye, can see her trying to protect his feelings. He takes a deep breath of morning air, and lets it go, offering his open palm and resting it gently on her leg, waiting for her to take his hand in support. He still doesn't like talking about his time as the Kaiser, but if he can save someone from that fate, especially a friend, then maybe something else good will have come out of it. "You can talk to me about anything. It's okay," Ken murmurs, grabbing the bench with his other hand, white-knuckled from the tense grip.

His intensity wasn't lost on Hikari. This time she didn't bother wiping away her tears, letting herself simply feel and be sad without the expectation that she needed to just get stronger and move past it. Even so, she's still determined to be as delicate about the situation as possible. It's obviously stressful for him, and though she would rather not ask at all, she's too scared not to. And she can't do that to him, so she takes a different approach.

She begins to explain about Meiko, Meicoomon, Homeostasis, and the reboot, and what had led them to that fateful rocky canyon. Yggdrasil. She tells him about Jesmon and Alphamon and how the ground opened up and swallowed her brother whole. Hikari sees Ken visibly pale and finally decides to take his hand, visibly wincing when she realizes that she's probably bringing up bad memories of his own brother's death.

Trying to move quickly past it, Hikari's voice hitches and stutters when she remembers the darkness flowing into Nyaromon and her floating into the air to become Ophanimon. She remembers being aware but unable to move, much in the same way it is when Homeostasis takes over. This time, however, her mind had been obscured by darkness and the mysterious man's voice had been echoing in her mind along with her forced spoken words. She remembers wanting to cry at hearing Nyaromon crying out for her and breaking completely when she vanished into the sky.

"When I saw Nyaromon being absorbed into Meicoomon, I wanted to disappear forever. Without her and my brother, life seemed so pointless and I didn't want to live anymore," she says, voice shaky. "They keep taking over my body, and I don't know how to stop them."

Ken remains silent, feeling pangs of anger for her that she has to be continuously violated in such a manner. He squeezes her hand in encouragement, brushing his thumb over the top of her hand. His other hand subconsciously goes to the back of his neck, rubbing at the place where the spore is embedded deep. That fear, that helplessness, the reality of being a pawn in a higher power's game is hard to shake.

"They merged together... they became Ordinemon, a dark digimon..." she trails off, subconsciously gripping his hand even tighter. "Not only did I help to create a dark digimon... but... but I... I think on some level, I actually wanted it to happen," she cries out, her voice a loud, anguished sob.

 _Well... I was thinking that unless all of the darkness was destroyed, it will eventually absorb its surroundings and grow larger creating another sad life like BlackWarGreymon._

 _Kimeramon..._

 _Sirens, Osamu lying lifeless on the ground..._

"What makes you think that?" Ken asks carefully, trying to reassure her, but his stomach sinks. He hears shadows of his former self in her words and begins to tremble, his throat tight and aching. He can only stare straight ahead, eyes never leaving the lotus floating on the water.

"Because... I'm tired of losing everything. I'm so tired of being weak. When we were in the digital world the very first time, I almost got all of us killed because I was too sick to move and they had to stop and take care of me, and the Numemon who helped us escape died to protect me. I was weak, and Tailmon's dearest friend sacrificed himself to save me from Vamdemon, and everyone in the city got hurt because he came after me. I was weak... and my brother almost died. I couldn't... I couldn't watch anyone else die. So I wanted it all to disappear, this awful, unfair world, I wanted it to vanish. I wanted the power to control what happens. And I almost lost Tailmon because of it... almost sacrificed her... I'm... I'm no better than Vamdemon, I'm a monster!" she chokes in anguish, warm tears streaming down her cheeks, hugging Nyaromon impossibly close to her chest.

 _I'm a monster._ At this, Ken's heard all he can. He can hear everything; things that remind him of his past, of the darkness, of the Kaiser. But hearing her berate herself is the one thing he can't take.

Careless of his injuries, Ken leaps up, fists clenching at his side. His sudden angry pose startles Hikari, who looks away from him, brown, reddened eyes casting down to the ground.

"Please don't say that," Ken says his voice low with a desperate tone. "You're not a monster! You didn't enslave her, didn't whip her or kick her constantly, or always tell her how worthless she is! You didn't hurt anyone or force an entire world to be your slave!"

Whirling around, Ken grabs her firmly by the shoulders, and the look in his eyes unnerves her; there's so much suffering and darkness in them, and she hasn't seen them like this since the moment Wormmon died and brought Ken back from the edge.

"You had a normal reaction to something very painful! The only one who's a monster is the one who took advantage of your feelings and made you believe it was your fault! You're not weak for feeling pain! You're not weak for needing help! Everyone needs help!"

Breathing harder, Ken begins to tremble under the pain of his injuries, his knees beginning to buckle, his vision starting to blur and blacken at the edges. Hikari sets Nyaromon down in a panic, quickly reaching for Ken to balance him and set him back on the bench. "Ichijouji-kun, maybe you should lie down and rest -"

Ken feels the last of his strength leave him, a wave of exhaustion and dizziness overtaking him. His voice returns to its usual softness, and his grip on her loosens while he fights to stay lucid. "Without Wormmon, or any of you, I wouldn't be here right now. I'd still be lost, or maybe even dead. You all are my strength. I'll never forget that you were the first one to rush to my side when I was trying to open the dark gate, and how you were the one who rushed to find me when I was screaming in the forest. Monsters don't care like that," he murmurs before losing consciousness and going limp.

"Ichijouji-kun...?" she asks anxiously, trying to keep him awake, looking frantically around for someone, anyone. "Ichijouji-kun! Stay with me! Someone get a doctor!"

…

Even as the hours passed, and the sun was nearing its setting, Hikari wouldn't leave his side. Having calmed down an extremely panicked Leafmon by letting him know Ken had merely passed out, he seemed to at the very least accept Ken was not dying. Then, and only then, would he even touch the crepe Hikari offered him. It wasn't until she gently coaxed him into understanding Ken would be worried if he didn't take care of himself that the tiny green digimon would finally allow himself to eat. She frowns when she pulls out Chibimon's crepe and sets it aside on the bedside table. No doubt he's clinging to Daisuke for dear life, but she still isn't quite brave enough to go into his hospital room.

Patting Leafmon on the head, she smiles and promises everything will be okay, pointing out that Ken is strong and has been through much worse.

Leafmon blushes and gets teary-eyed, looking down at Ken. "I know... but if anything happens to him I don't know what I'll do. I couldn't protect him against Alphamon, and we already lost so much time when... when... I don't know what to do!" he trails off whimpering, prompting Hikari to pick him up off the bed where he's sitting next to Ken's shoulder. She feels for him and hugs him close, knowing he's referring to Ken's time as the Kaiser and knowing some things are just too painful to talk about. She feels the same about her time with Tailmon that was stolen by Vamdemon.

Smiling softly, she gently wipes away a small piece of strawberry and whipped cream that clung near his mouth. Leafmon, though, insists on watching Ken with laser focus, as if his human fade from existence if he takes his eyes off him for a second. Absently, Hikari pets Nyaromon and Leafmon both, and though she worries about Leafmon, she's every bit as worried about her own partner and grateful that she doesn't have to wait alone.

Moments later, Ken stirs in his sleep, groaning and clinging to the bed sheets, flushed and hot with fever. Hikari brushes aside his hair to feel his forehead and is alarmed by how warm he is. Setting Leafmon back down, she reaches for the cloth and cold water the nurse had brought and lightly dabs his face before resting it on his forehead.

She frowns when Ken begins mumbling incoherently in his sleep. It's hard to hear him, but she can make out that he's calling for Daisuke, Wormmon, and the others, a plea begging Gennai not to hurt them. She remembers what he told her earlier and everything in her sinks in despair and guilt.

Meiko had made the decision to kill her partner because as long as she was living with the Apocalymon shard in her, Yggdrasil and anyone else who wanted to use her would never stop coming after her, and she would always be forced to suffer and do things she didn't want. Hikari still couldn't understand it; there had to be a better way, a way to get the shard out of her, or neutralize it... something. Meicoomon didn't deserve to die and Meiko didn't deserve to be forced to kill someone she loved.

But when she realizes Ken is in the same situation, her heart aches. It's already happened to him twice, and now a third time; once because of Vamdemon, then because of Demon, and now Yggdrasil. The spore inside him is something of immeasurable power and value, and it won't be the last time someone seeks it for their own ends. Would they one day be faced with the choice of killing Ken as well?

Taking his hand tightly in her own, Hikari holds their joined hands against herself, staring down at him with determination. When she'd first gone to the dark ocean, she'd been able to destroy the dark spirals, releasing the "Hangyomon" from the same power that bound Ken. She would do the same for him. "I promise," she whispers, "I'll never let that happen to you again. You never have to go back into the darkness. We're here with you and we won't leave you."

Lost in thought, Hikari fails to notice that Ken's mother has quietly wandered in, watching them from afar. She can't help but smile to herself and wipe away a tear, watching how gentle and concerned Hikari is with her son. She's seen this girl before a couple times when all of Ken's friends had come over to their house, but it's always been with the others. Still, she feels like she's interrupting something very private.

She sets aside a pile of folded clothing and bag full of textbooks on a nearby chair and softly clears her throat, causing Hikari to startle back to reality. Leafmon is still too full of concern to even notice. "I-Ichijouji-san, I-I'm so sorry, I didn't hear you come in!" Hikari stammers, letting go of Ken's hand in a panic, embarrassed to have been caught in a somewhat intimate moment.

Ken's mother shakes her head, folding her hands in front of her on her stomach, trying to keep her worry at bay. "It's no trouble, I was just bringing him a change of clothes and his summer homework if he was feeling up to it. How is he?" she asks, voice trembling.

Hikari feels sorry for her and can't imagine the dismay and hurt she must be feeling, having already lost one son and never knowing when she could lose the second. Frowning, Hikari looks back at Ken who's no longer flushed or hot to the touch, but still visibly uncomfortable, hair melded to his face with water and sweat, his hands still gripping the sheets and his face mildly contorting with anguish. "He was awake for a little while, but he used too much of his strength and collapsed while we were resting in the garden. He had a fever, but thankfully it went back down."

"I see..." she says, looking away and holding a hand up to her heart, trying her hardest to put on a brave face. "He'll wake up... even when he's gone far away, he's always come back to me. He will this time too."

Moving to face her, Hikari smiles reassuringly, though it's more forced than she would like. But just because she may not feel well doesn't mean she wants his mother to keep being in pain. "That's right. You have to think positively, Ichijouji-kun needs you right now, perhaps more than anyone. He wouldn't leave you."

 _'Sometimes they do leave, though.'_ The thought is quiet, from the locked away parts of her mind that she can never let herself indulge- if she does, she's certain she'll never come back from it. She tries to keep a straight face, but falters slightly, enough that the older woman catches on immediately and pulls Hikari into an embrace. Ken's mother smiles back in kindness and gratitude, though she misreads the slip as further worry for her son. "You know... whenever you've been in our home, I always notice the way my Ken-chan looks at you."

Taken aback, Hikari pulls away from her slightly, blinking and looking at her sideways, her gaze darting back and forth between her and her son. "What do you mean...?"

"He's always watching you when you aren't looking, like you're the only person in the room. Like you're his hope. You've never noticed? At the Christmas party three years ago, he was always looking in your direction."

"I..." Hikari started, hesitating when the words formed clumsily in her mouth, remembering the moment he'd glanced at her during the card game with a blush. "I don't... I don't think it's like that. We're just good friends who've shared a lot of similar experiences. We understand and trust each other, that's all."

"Well," Ken's mother says with an optimistic lilt in her voice, "Aren't those things the foundation of any good relationship?"

Hikari blushes, and looks down at the floor, embarrassed, unable to say anything. Ken's mother puts a hand on the younger girl's cheek in reassurance. "Please forgive me if I've overstepped my place, I didn't mean to cause you any upset. It's only that my Ken-chan has been through so much, I want him to have all the love that he deserves. I spent so long failing to give him. I'm very glad he has you to care about him in whatever way that may be."

Walking back towards the door, Ken's mother opens it, her voice regaining its sadness. "I have to make sure everything is perfect for him when he comes home, I'll be back later. Thank you for watching over him."

Before she can leave completely, Hikari briefly comes back to her senses, enough to remember that the older woman had also gone missing along with Ken, and Hikari doesn't want to miss the chance to ask her. "Ichijouji-san! Wait a minute!"

"Hm? What is it?"

"About the past few days... do you remember what happened to you? Do you know what happened to Ichijouji-kun?"

Ken's mother looked at her with concern, as if she can't understand why she's being asked, the pain visible in her eyes. "The same thing that to happened to Osamu. He was hit by a car. It was awful... I can't believe I almost lost them both the same way. I was at home when I got the news. Why do you ask?"

Hikari frowns, a bad feeling settling in her stomach. She tries to reason it away; perhaps her mind has been so traumatized that it forced her to remember things this way, but that doesn't seem quite right. She'd remember if she'd been taken somewhere. Hikari makes a mental note of it to tell Koshirou and the others later. "Oh... no reason. I just didn't know the whole story... that's all."

With an understanding nod, Ken's mother walks back out the door and closes it, leaving Hikari more confused than ever.

Resuming her place by Ken's side, she goes to take his hand again, but before she can, she feels the heat rising in her cheeks, causing her to cover her face and groan. She's always had boys hitting on her; hell, Daisuke made his feelings well known for years, and it never bothered her or flustered her, not even with a close friend, but with one suggestion from Mrs. Ichijouji, she feels like she's going to melt into a puddle. His mother has to be mistaken – why would Ken ever feel that way about her of all people?

In an effort to distract herself, Hikari shakes her head to snap herself out of it, snacking on a crepe absentmindedly, watching Ken even more carefully than before, though she's not sure what she's looking for. Her eyes wander out the window towards the sunset, but they always come back to him. Ken has always been good-looking, and time has been even more generous over the years. Sure, her heart will skip a beat at times whenever she sees him, but that's normal for someone her age... right? She's not blind.

She brushes at the long raven hair clinging to his face and takes his hand once again, relieved to see his temperature has come even further down and that his breathing is stabilizing. They've never really been alone together, and of course, they're friends, though more like comrades in arms. But the times they have talked, she's always felt at ease and it's been nice to talk to someone when she feels she's not going to burden them or hurt them because they don't understand. With Ken, she can say anything, and she knows he's not going to judge because he understands more intimately than most. She has to admit, it's nice to just simply be with someone.

But...

Of course, she stops herself, for the same reason she's never entertained the thought of exploring if she has any feelings for Takeru or Daisuke ; because no matter what her feelings are, she would never be able to do that to the friends she loves most dearly. She notices the way Takeru looks at her and is always protective of her, and it's _really_ hard not to notice Miyako's massive crush on Ken. And while she doesn't know how Daisuke feels towards her anymore, it's also hard not to notice how often he worships the ground Ken walks on. She can never do that to them...

Hikari snaps out of it when she feels something headbutt at the hand she laid on the hospital bed bar, and looking down, she gazes at Leafmon, who has turned his intense focus on her with a quizzical look. "Are you sick too?" he asks, "Your face is all red like Ken-chan's!"

Eyes widening in mortification, Hikari waves her hands in front of her in surrender pose, sweatdropping. "N-Nooooo... no! Nothing like that! Just thinking about... things..." she finishes lamely.

"Wait... I know that look!" he exclaims, eyes widening to match hers before turning suspicious. "That's the look they all give him when they like him!"

"I really don't know what you're talking about!" she says with nervous laughter. "This isn't the moment to be thinking about that kind of thing!"

Leafmon, only half pacified, shoots her another suspicious look but decides worrying about his beloved Ken-chan is still far more important than the worry someone might be trying take him away. It makes her giggle inwardly and stifle a laugh with her hand when she notices he's crept even closer to Ken while they were talking.

Yawning, Hikari picks up Nyaromon and moves to the visitor's chair by the window to watch the sunset. She feels Nyaromon purring in her sleep and cuddles her close, removing the whistle from her neck to gently place it around Nyaromon. Thoroughly exhausted by recent events, Hikari succumbs to her fatigue, falling asleep huddled in a ball on the chair, failing to notice the fifth presence in the room with them.

…

She's all alone.

There's no one here to save her or protect her this time. No one can save you from yourself.

The water's up to her waist and steadily rising, the waves are growing more and more turbulent with the forming storm; she can't move, something is trying to drag her down – something that feels too terrifyingly familiar - and only the strength of her legs keeps her from drowning. She has to put her arms and hands in front of her face to keep her head from going under, her D3 barely staying in her grip.

It's raining now, softly at first, then turning into a downpour. Hikari looks around for sight of the shore, but can't see anything; nothing but a dim blinking light in the distance. Odd, she thinks, since it's always been a blackened light, but this time it's pink. She knows this place; it's the lighthouse... the one that was a dark tower but was destroyed. _'It's been rebuilt...?'_

Before she can question it further, an even larger wave crashes into her, lungs and nose filling with water as she chokes, struggling to regain air, her heart speeding up in fear. In her panic, her D3 slips from her hand, falling into the water. She struggles to look for it, trying to hold her head under, but her lungs give out after a few minutes; they're still not strong enough to support her for long.

Resurfacing, Hikari looks around one more time, her heart shattering; her D3 was the one thing that made her strong and now it's gone.

"This is the worst ending. If that's the case, I'll reset the digital world."

Startled, Hikari whips her head around to look for the source of the voice, but it's hard to see through the rain. Someone grabs her arm from behind and she jumps; her breath leaves her when she realizes she recognizes the voice and the words; it's the same thing Ken said to them when they'd defeated him while he was still the Kaiser. Despair tangles inside her, and suddenly the undertow is the least of her problems.

"Ken...?" she says in disbelief, willing herself to turn around and rip her arm from his grip. What she sees stops her cold and causes her blood to turn to ice.

It's Ken in his Kaiser outfit, dressed exactly the same way as Gennai had been using, the same wicked smile, the same evil voice. It could have been Gennai, but from the way her heart sinks, she knows it's the real Ken. Or is it? Everything is one long, horrifying blur, and she no longer knows who the real enemy is."Why..." she breathes, though no one can hear her in the violent winds. "You worked so hard... what happened to you...?"

He snaps his fingers. All at once, the amphibious figures that had been lurking under the surface of the water rise, and Hikari begins to hyperventilate, frantically searching once more for her D3.

"Please... Ken... please don't do this... please don't let them take me... Tailmon, where are you?!" she screams, her voice wavering while she tries to fight back tears, waves nearly knocking her off balance.

She feels something brush against her leg in the water and looks down to see a faint pink light. Recognizing it as her D3, she grabs it out of the water, but horror sets in when she turns it over in her palm and it's no longer its pink and white color; it's completely grey and black now, the screen flicking and glitching before dying.

"Tailmon?! **Tailmon!** Where are you?!"

The laugh that escapes from Ken's lips sets every nerve on end. "She's here. Look behind you."

"What...?" Hikari asks in disbelief, whirling around to find Tailmon.

With an evil spiral on her arm, dark evolved as Ophanimon. "This can't be happening..." she whimpers. Not only has she lost Ken, her partner has fallen for a second time as well.

 _'You have only one choice. You must eliminate the Kaiser or this world and every world beyond it will collapse.'_

She knows this voice... it's been apart of her ever since she was small. A voice that's living inside of her, coexisting with her. The tingling paralysis in her muscles, the heavy weight in her chest, the lightheartedness threatening to cause her to faint. The "Hangyomon" trying to drown her let her go, howling in pain.

Homeostasis.

" **No!** I already told you! I'll **never** sacrifice anyone, least of all for **you**!"

 _'You already have many times. Do you still not see it? Do you really not understand your feelings obstruct the greater good?'_

"Good...? What's good about having to sacrifice my best friend?! Because of you, she was already taken away once! And Ken... my..." she trails off, shoving down her feelings. "He's come so far! He deserves the chance to live a good life!"

 _'There are only two outcomes. You either kill the Kaiser and the one controlling him, or you do not and everything will cease to exist.'_

"Even after what happened to Meicoomon... how can you still be so blind?! There's **always** another way! We already freed Ken once without killing him and we can again!"

 _'It doesn't matter how many times you bring him back to the light, the forces who desire the power inside of him will never let him go. It was the same with Libra. You are only prolonging his suffering.'_

"And what do you know of suffering?! You don't care what happens to us and you never have! bGet out of me! I'm... we're not yours to do with as you please/b!"

 _'Very well. If that is your answer, we have no choice. We had hoped you would finally be the one.'_

All at once, she regains composure, the air rushing back to her lungs, her muscles feeling lighter, causing her to nearly fall in. But it feels different this time; every time before this, whenever Homeostasis left her, it only felt like it went dormant. But this time... it feels like it's left her completely.

She can't distinguish if the thought is distressing or a comfort.

She has little time to contemplate before the "Hangyomon" once again approach her, and she instinctively backs away. She doesn't move far before Ophanimon is behind her, her scythe in attack pose. The shock allows enough time for the "Hangyomon" to grab ahold of her, keeping her in place.

"Tailmon... **Tailmon** **please** , I know you can hear me! Ken! You have to fight it, **please**!"

In one last desperate effort, Hikari holds up her D3 to try and bring forth the light, but there's only empty grey where pink should be, a void of despair. Her arm falls to her side limply, the fight in her being washed away by the water.

The light has abandoned her.

She watches as Ophanimon again raises her scythe, no light of recognition in her eyes, none in Ken's either. She can't save them... she's still too weak... and always will be.

The blade comes down on her in a smoke of violet and crimson and everything goes blank.

…

Hikari wakes with a jolt in pitch darkness, the city lights and the yellow glow of the hall lights are the only bright spots in the room. Her arms and legs are shaking. She's breathing heavily, tears forming in her eyes while she grips at the fabric of her school uniform near her chest. She frantically fumbles around and breathes a sigh of relief when she feels the small weight of fur in her lap. Looking over at the bed next to her, Ken is still sound asleep and the terror begins to drain out of her slowly. It had only been a dream. She and Ken had been talking about all of their painful memories, and it caused her to have a nightmare, that's all.

Her solace is short-lived when she looks down to find Nyaromon has regained enough energy to become Tailmon. Yet something isn't quite right; where a glittering gold ring should be, there's only white and purple striped fur. Hikari goes limp with disbelief; she remembers seeing Holydramon with two tails shaped like the helixes in Meicoomon's tails. She wants to recoil in denial, but she knows in her heart that the jogress with Meicoomon and the contact with Apocalymon's shard have caused Tailmon to lose her status as a holy being.

Pangs of fear embed themselves in her heart like thorns; what if she's infected again? She freezes, feeling hopelessly powerless. She can't lose Tailmon again... she can't... she won't survive it. She looks back over to the bed and the lump in her throat grows even bigger when she understands that was no dream; it's an omen. Unable to do anything, she clings to Tailmon and begins to weep, terrified. She picks up her phone and begins to hastily dial Taichi's number, but stops midway, and cries even harder. What can he do? Will he listen to her? Does he even want to see her? She decides she doesn't want that answer right now and shuts her phone. She's completely and totally alone.

Hikari opens her eyes briefly to try and find the light switch but stops when she sees the silhouette of a figure standing behind the privacy curtain, illuminated by the hallway outside, a flash of blue-green where the creature's eyes should be, a tattered cape billowing behind it. Uneasy, she pulls out her D3 and is at least partly relieved that it's still its pink and white color, but gasps out loud when numbers begin to form a countdown against a red background; 1:06:23:59:59 and counting.

"You have two weeks," the creature says, disappearing immediately afterward, leaving Hikari with far more questions than answers.

"Hackmon...?"


End file.
